Waiting For Mr. Ashwell Read online

  Waiting For Mr. Ashwell

  By

  K. Sterling

  Chapter 1

  The first glimpse of Elston Abbey always took Ash’s breath away. He always came in on horseback, from the West, he liked to ride in from the park and look down on it until his nerves settled and the urge to turn back passed. Elston wasn’t his but it had always felt like home. More so than his actual home in London or his brother’s home in Yorkshire.

  Ash tried to smile. If he couldn’t feel happy here, there really was no hope for him. He’d spent the last three years hopping from house to house, trying to convince his family and friends (and himself) that he was all right. Robert Fitzwilliam Ashwell, he’d always gone by Ash, was not all right. Everyone thought it was his leg. He’d returned from the war partially crippled. One of Napoleon’s bastard cavalrymen had tried to hack the damned thing off and left him with a horrific scar and a pathetic limp. Truthfully, Ash didn’t give a damn about his leg. Occasionally, the pain could be so blindingly brutal that he’d curse the fiend for not cutting the whole, miserable thing off or not cutting off his head instead but it still didn’t really bother him. His leg was wholly eclipsed by how much he hated himself. There was nothing that compared to how much he hated himself. When he was younger, he hated his father. God, how he hated that man. His name had been Robert, which is why he insisted that everyone call him Ash. But as he got older, his hatred for himself far exceeded that for his father. It helped that his father had done everyone a tremendous favor and got himself kicked in the head by a horse and promptly died when Ash was sixteen. There’s a smile. Ash chuckled as he tugged at his gloves nervously. The day his father died would probably be the highpoint of his life.

  That wasn’t fair. With the exception of his father, who had been the world’s greatest ass, womanizer and abusive drunk, Ash had a wonderful family. His mother was a saint and his older brother, Lord Weldon, was one of the best men he’d ever known. Henry had married a lovely woman, Rebecca, and they had a son and two precious little girls. Ash adored his nephew and nieces. Seeing them always cheered him up, for a few days. Despite his father, Ash had wonderful memories from his childhood and most of them were from the days he spent at Elston.

  Elston Abbey was the home of Edward Bainbridge, Viscount Danvers. But he’d always been Ned. Ash met Ned his first day at Eton. As roommates, and terrified thirteen year olds, they quickly became inseparable. In the beginning, Ash had taken to spending his breaks at Elston to avoid his father but eventually, he just went because he loved being there and he loved being with Ned. Ash felt the mingling of joy and anxiety that often bloomed within his chest at the thought of Ned. That was what always had him pensive and hesitant just before he arrived at Elston. They had been best friends for twenty years and Ash hated himself because he’d been in love with Ned for every single minute of them.

  Deciding he’d put it off long enough, Ash pulled the reins and gave Sleipnir a gentle kick. No matter how hard it was to be with Ned at Elston, he couldn’t stay away. He would visit for a few weeks, just until he started telling himself he should say or do something to let Ned know how he felt. Then, he would go to his brother’s or to visit his mother or one of the other very concerned friends that were always inviting him to stay. Ash would stay away until missing Ned made it too hard to sleep at night and his appetite vanished. It was an endless cycle that had only been broken up by the war. It was funny, the things that made a man crave a good war. For Ash, it was love.

  Chapter 2

  The days that Ash was expected were always the longest for Ned. Whenever Ash wrote and said that he’d arrive on whichever date, Ned knew that day would be a waste. More precisely, he’d be useless. Maybe not totally useless, I’ve done an excellent job holding this window in place. Ned snorted as he pushed away from the window and went back to his desk. He fell into his seat and tossed his feet on his desk, crossing his boots. He reclined and stared up at the ceiling. I’m not going back to that window for at least a quarter of an hour, Ned promised as he locked his fingers together behind his head.

  Just when he told himself it was getting old and he needed to find a lady to marry and settle down, Ash would write and the anticipation would begin. Ned knew he’d never be able to act on any of it but just having Ash at Elston was enough. Once he got past the exhilaration and nervousness that infused him when he first saw Ash, they settled into their easy routine and it felt like life again. It was when Ash left that Ned was tired of. The week or so after was miserable. He pouted and moped, lashed out at everyone and tried to hide in sleep and drink until he could walk into his study or the dining room and not feel bitterly disappointed that Ash wasn’t there.

  Ned told himself that marrying would end it all. He wouldn’t be able to linger at Elston, a wife would want to be in Town and entertained. When they were at Elston, he wouldn’t be as tempted to invite Ash as often. When Ash did visit, they wouldn’t spend so much time alone and Ned wouldn’t let himself stare so long and hard every time Ash wasn’t looking. If he actually liked the lady he married, he thought he could be happy. Maybe they would have a lot of children and he’d enjoy them. As he was a bit of an overgrown child himself, it seemed a likelihood.

  He kicked his legs off the desk and leaned forward. He rested his elbows on his knees and scrubbed his hands over his face. The idea of living with a woman and bedding her regularly made Ned so sad. He was rarely sad. Ned had always been able to find something to smile about, some way to laugh. The idea of choosing a sad life felt like deciding to hack off a limb or pluck out an eyeball.

  Ladies had always been just tolerable. Ned had tried. God, he tried. He had fucked every sort of woman in every way known to man. He’d always been able to pretend enthusiasm and he could finish, he just had to make sure he was thoroughly foxed and imagining some faceless man to get there. He never pictured Ash. If he thought of Ash when he was inside a woman, he might get carried away and call out his name. And he didn’t want Ash in his head like that when they were together, it would just make it harder to act normal. It was usually a soldier. Ned would imagine a soldier’s mouth upon him when he was driving into a woman. Ash had been a soldier. The few times Ned had seen him in uniform had been painful. There wasn’t a pair of breasts, and he’d seen more than his share of breasts, that could arouse him like Ash in his uniform.

  Ned groaned as he stood to cross the room. He scowled at the clock as he made his way to the window. Five minutes. You’re pathetic. The thought died away and a smile filled Ned’s face as he watched the stables. Stable hands were rushing out as a rider clattered into the yard. He recognized Sleipnir and there was no mistaking the broad shoulders and height of the rider. Or the way Ash crossed his hands over the pommel as he greeted McKeever, the stable master. Ash had always had an easy command when in the saddle. Watching him ride was like seeing man and animal gracefully fuse. Ash was powerful and elegant on horseback. Not that he wasn’t every other minute of the day, but it was blatant when he rode. Ned had to clench his jaw as he pictured Ash racing over the park on Sleipnir. He became sleek and hard, the muscles of his thighs, arms and back bunching and stretching as he leaned close, urging his mount on.

  Ash swung a leg over and slid from the saddle, landing on his good leg. He knew that Ash thought his limp made him look weak and clumsy but Ned thought it made him look dashing and a little rough. Ash was always so restrained and precise. The limp was like a crooked grin or a loosened cravat, it made him human and accessible. And as far as Ned could tell, the injury wasn’t much of a hindrance. Ash fenced and exercised as well as he ever had. He walked slower but Ned had seen him sprint a few times, Ash was quick when it suited him. And he still moved with a prowling ele
gance that made the hairs on Ned’s arms stand. Sometimes, Ned sensed that the leg hurt but Ash would never admit such a thing. Ned turned and strode from the study and into the hall to intercept Ash. He felt a breeze as the door at the end of the hall was opened and he felt his heart start to race as he turned at the stairs. He stifled his excitement when he saw Ash striding quickly toward him and smiled as he held out his hand.

  “How was the trip from Yorkshire?” Ned asked as Ash took his hand and they pulled each other close for a quick embrace. Ned shut his eyes and inhaled as his chin brushed Ash’s shoulder. They clapped each other on the back, released and stepped away. Both grinning and warm. Ash shrugged as he started tugging his gloves off.

  “Fine. Long.” He tucked his gloves into his pocket and slid the greatcoat from his shoulders. He handed it to the butler as they made their way toward the study. “Fenworth.” Ash nodded curtly, which was as close as most people got to a friendly greeting from Ash.

  “Welcome back to Elston, sir.’ Fenworth said in his equally cheerful monotone.

  “When do you think lunch will be ready? I’m starving.” Ash grumbled.

  “Shortly, sir.” Fenworth looked to Ned and he waved him off. The butler bowed his head and left them in the study.

  Ned gestured to the sideboard and reached for the scotch at Ash’s nod. He poured two and passed one to Ash as he crossed the room to his chair. For a moment, Ned couldn’t breathe. Seeing Ash, as he always was, settling into the chair he always sat in, stretching his long legs and crossing his ankles as he always did warmed him. It was so achingly familiar and perfect. It was what his eyes searched for when he entered the study after Ash left.

  The afternoon sun wrapped around Ash and he sighed as he took a long drink. Ned let his eyes drink Ash in. They absorbed his closely cropped, raven black hair and his always drowsy silver-blue eyes with their thick black lashes. Ned’s eyes clung to Ash’s harshly chiseled cheeks, jaw and chin and the thin, taut lips that never smiled. Once again, he marveled at how broad Ash’s shoulders were and how his tailor had to be a magician. His coat and breeches were practically molded to him. Finally, Ned’s eyes settled on Ash’s hand as it wrapped around the glass. He had incredible hands. Long and lean and expressive, they were aways in motion. The middle finger was currently tapping as his gaze swung from the window to Ned’s. Ash found him staring and raised a brow in question. Ned shook his head dismissively as he went to his seat across from Ash’s.

  “Does the scotch taste all right to you?” That was as good an excuse as any… Ned thought. Ash frowned as he raised the glass to his lips and took a sip. He shrugged.

  “Tastes delightful.” He took another sip and shut his eyes. “How’s your mother, sister and the baby?” He asked wearily. Ned smiled as he set his ankle on his knee. His family had recently visited.

  “They’re fine. Young Alex is a strapping lad.” He laughed softly as he pictured the infant. At four months, he was as heavy as a ham and Ned’s mother’s sole focus in life.

  “Excellent.” Ash murmured. “Frederick and the girls are exhausting. I don't know how Henry manages. I’m always thrilled to see them and to be their favorite uncle but it’s a relief when they go to bed at night.” He sighed and Ned could hear his love for them in it.

  Ash looked up and Ned heard Fenworth approaching to announce lunch. He turned to see Ash downing the rest of his scotch in one gulp before he stood. He sighed again and Ned felt it in his groin. He took his time getting up and Ash swept past him.

  “Are you coming?” His voice was low and deep as he passed through the door. Ned drained his glass, raised it in salute and grinned as heat spread down his throat and filled his chest. God, I’ve missed you, he thought as he stared at Ash’s empty chair. “Ned! I’m starving!” Ash bellowed from the dining room.

  Ned chuckled as he pushed himself to his feet and strode from the room.

  Chapter 3

  It was one of the clock by the time Ash made his way to his bedroom. He’d put off going up until he felt his control slipping. As was their habit his first night back, he and Ned drank too much. He wasn’t drunk but his face felt numb and his body was loose. And every time Ned smiled or laughed, Ash’s cock would start to ache a little more. He knew that it was time to leave when he started having a hard time following the conversation, when his mind kept going to the erection in his trousers and his eyes kept flicking to Ned’s lips.

  Ash shut the door and pressed his forearm to the panels and rested his head against it. He sighed in resignation as his hand worked at the falls of his trousers, quickly flicking the buttons open. He reached into the falls and pulled his cock free. It felt like it was made of granite and he groaned in relief as his hand closed around the base and slid up.

  “Jesus, Ned.” He breathed as he stroked lightly.

  It was always Ned. At the moment, it was Ned asleep on the sofa in the study. He often nodded off once Ash left him. He imagined going back down and shutting the door. He saw himself standing before Ned, holding this raging erection, watching him sleep as Ash stroked himself harder. He could almost feel his hand sift through Ned’s golden hair. He wore it long on top and Ash ached to know if it felt as soft as silk. He imagined Ned’s warm brown eyes opening and his fallen angel face smiling up at him as he reached for Ash’s hips to pull him close. And those full, soft lips that were always moving; smiling, laughing, talking, being licked by that clever tongue… Ash let his thumb brush gently over the head of his cock as he imagined Ned’s tongue caressing it.

  “Neeeed, please.” Ash sighed his name as he begged him to take him into his mouth and his hand started tugging harder.

  He shut his eyes and Ned was naked, in the lake. They hadn’t been swimming in years but a few months ago, they had drunk too much while playing billiards and they decided to make the game interesting by wagering a swim to the middle of the lake and back. As it was winter, the water was freezing. Ash had cheated, he was so desperate to win. He’d pretended to avert his eyes as Ned undressed at the edge of the water before he dove in. But not when he emerged, jumping and cursing. Ash had teased Ned about the size of his balls as they tried to bury themselves in his body. Later that night, in the privacy of his room, Ash had imagined his hands and lips exploring every inch of Ned’s body. He was perfect. Tall and lean with narrow hips. His body looked as if it had been chiseled from marble, especially his ass. It was so round and tight. Ash had come so hard, picturing that ass wrapped around his cock.

  His own ass started to tingle and he gave in. He crossed the room to the table and picked up his bag. His valet thought it was all writing supplies and Ash kept it with him when he traveled. He reached under the stationary and pulled out the wooden cock, then his fingers flicked around the bottom of the bag until he found the bottle of oil. Ash dropped them on the bed and toed of his shoes as he tugged at the sleeves of his coat. Once it was loose enough, he shrugged out of it and tossed it at the chair. He reached down, letting his hand curve around his cock as he gave it a few strokes, keeping himself painfully hard. He dealt with his waistcoat, cravat and shirt quickly then pushed his trousers over his hips as he fell onto the bed. Ash kicked them off and raised his knee to his elbow as he reached for the oil. His hand started to shake as he twisted off the cap. It’s been too long, he thought as he felt the oil spill onto his hand. He was good until he was around Ned. He never touched his cock or thought of the one in the satchel until he saturated himself in Ned’s presence. Ash never needed any of it when they were apart.

  He gasped as his fingers slid against his hole, making it slick and warm with oil. He teased himself, swirling his fingers around the puckered opening until his need overwhelmed him. He gripped his cock in his other hand as he pushed his finger into the tight, hot ring. His cock swelled as lightning shot down his legs. He knew he wouldn’t last long, he was too urgent. Ash slid another finger into his hole, stretching himself.

  “Oh, fuck…Ned.” He whispered as he
pulled his fingers out. He shut his eyes as stars flashed behind his lids. He reached for the cock and brought it to his lips. Ash licked it and imagined Ned standing over him. He groaned as he took as much of it in his mouth as he could. He knew Ned was bigger. He remembered the night he’d followed a too drunk Ned and a courtesan into the garden at a party. He always followed Ned. He knew he’d hate Ned for days after but he had to watch over him, he had to make sure Ned made it back safe. She led him into a maze and backed him against a statue of Pan. Ash hung to the shadows and ground his teeth to powder as she dropped to her knees before Ned and made quick work of his trousers. He watch as she stroked him until he was hard and large. Ash had nearly come in his trousers as he watched Ned’s cock sliding between her hands. She had needed both of them and her fingers didn’t close around him. Ash pulled his mouth off the wooden cock and wrapped the hand drenched in oil around it. He made sure it was glistening and warm before he reached behind him and positioned it at his entrance.

  His hand fisted in the blankets as he slowly pressed it in. Pleasure and pain radiated through his groin and he forced himself to relax as he slid it in deeper. Ash saw Ned in the garden and the woman between his legs and Ash exhaled as he pushed the cock deeper. It was almost all the way in when her head started to bounce against Ned. Ned smiled drunkenly and moaned. Ash hissed as he pulled his hand back and he was kneeling between Ned’s legs. He felt Ned’s hand wrap around his head as he forced his beautiful cock down Ash’s throat. Ash let his eyes roll back into his head as he slammed the cock hard and fast into his ass as he squeezed his own erection. So close! He thought as he started stroking and pushing faster. He looked up into Ned’s eyes as he took him as deep as he could. Ned threw his head back and shouted and Ash held on and sucked, trying to drink every drop of Ned. Ash clenched his jaw to keep from calling out as his balls pulled tight and his cock pulsed as his muscles wrapped tight around the wooden cock inside of him. Heat and exquisite pleasure rippled out from where he gripped the cock as his nerves exploded and lighting shot through his erection. Ash arched and then curled his body, his breath coming in quick, desperate pants as thick, hot seed burst from him in long strings that landed on his chest, shoulder and chin.